I'm sure many a new mom feels that way after the first year with a baby. So much is a blur and I would love to get as much detail recorded as possible, before things become blurrier. I had hoped to blog more about this first year as a mom but frankly I was way too overwhelmed and tired. I need to really sit down with a pad and paper and think about the important experiences I want to preserve. Time keeps right on ticking.
I am at a crossroad and even though so much has changed, there are more changes looming on the horizon. Things I haven't really wrapped my head around yet. The main issue weighing heavily on my heart is being a working mom. Before baby, I had never really invisioned myself as a SAHM, nor did I imagine that I would have the desire to stay home. Now present-life-with-baby, I find the idea of staying home the optimum choice. My parents were able to watch Little Guy when I returned to work last year which was a huge blessing. I didn't have to search out daycares. I am now on Summer break and get to experience the daily joys and struggles of being an at home mommy and I like it and yet I hesitate.
In all honesty, I am afraid. My fears are all the regular ones that many women have who struggle with this decision. I am afraid of giving up a part of me and losing the security of a decent paying job with great benefits. So much to ponder and pray about.
